i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
