i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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