3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
