so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
