...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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