please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
