I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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