ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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