He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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