Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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