Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I need to stop coming to work sober
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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