my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
