they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
