Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
