just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
