i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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