that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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