I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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