UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
