how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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