You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize