i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
