Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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