I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
