Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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