just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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