I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
