you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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