well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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