i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
