Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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