two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
