just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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