All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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