I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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