New low: just hacked my moms facebook
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
