the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
