There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
