I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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