I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why didn't you poke me back
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
