I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
