Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
