It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
