he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm at about main and main street
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
