I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
