I like to think it a success when the cops are called
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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