I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
