So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
