you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
