Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
