toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
