Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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