piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
