could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
