This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize