I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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