That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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