Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
