my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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