shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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