it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
