just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
