I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
