Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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