I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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