And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
