i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
